101 ways to be hardcore

101 ways to be a Hardcore...

For those of you who don't know what 'hardcore' means, it's an emo kid that hates emo kids... they're usually angry, self loathing music snobs. If you inspire to be hardcore, enjoy the list.

. 1) Be tough at all times.
2) Never cheer after a show...only clap.
3) Be open minded in a "punch people" kind of way
4) Only the good hardcore bands have names that are sentences with bad grammar. Boy Hits Car, Boy Sets Fire, Skycamefalling, Boy Sets Car-fire.
5) Ankles are tough so bring your socks down into your shoes so we can see them.
6) Tattoos are tough especially when they are on your calves. See Rule 3 on how to see said tattoo more clearly.
7) Wear your hoody in the mosh pit because sweating like a wild pig makes you look tough. Don't admit you listen to heavy metal.
8.) Blog about how you had myspace before anyone else did, "back when it was still cool"
9) (Exception to rule Only admit you listen to heavy metal if you think it is ironic and you wear 80's cheese metal shirts.
10) Be a non-conformist, just like all your friends.
11) Practice hardcore dancing in front of your mirror and then try them out the next time Atreyu comes to town.
12) A hardcore band is only original if you call it something-core. Example Screamcore, emocore, Screamocore, mathcore, or Medio-core.
13) Remember, it's fun to punch and kick kung fu style.
14) Keep it in the do-jo.
15) Real hardcore fans are called kids.
16) Complain how hardcore bands are playing with metal bands at all costs!
17) Have your own zine, website, production company or be in a band. Claim you are friends with the singer from Shai Halud.
18) Tell people you work in the music industry.
19) More Ankles people!
20) Embrace everybody in the scene except for those people who are not you.
21) Refer to bands as old school or new school then act tough again.
22) Pretend that you get Dillinger Escape plan.
23) Shop at second hand stores and then go buy expensive shoes.
24) Beat people up and then go to bible study class.
25) Smoking and drinking and having sex before marriage is too trendy. Real hardcore tough guys abstain.
26) Whatever you do, don't let the singer on stage ever sing in the mic. Make sure you grab it from him and sing in it yourself, after all, you do a better job singing then him. It's a wonder they didn't put you on the album.
27) Start your own hardcore band.
28) Have your logo resemble some random 80's product for nostalgia.
29) Talk about the scene any chance you get. Say as many obscure hardcore bands from NJ as possible.
30) If you are shy start an emo band so you don't have to look at the audience.
31) People who know more bands than you are better than you.
32) Add the Letter X before and after important words. XhardcorekidX XmoshfuckX
33) Never say "Did you hear the new Strung Out?" Unless you are attempting to be funny in which case stop it because hardcore kids are tough not funny.
34) It's merch not Merchandise.
35) Hardcore girls must wear head bands at all times.
36) Stretch your ears out to look more intimidating.
37) The bigger you stretch you ears out the more hardcore you are.
38) Your ear should be stretched out enough to accommodate a block of wood, a hubcap or a penis.
39) People in the front row are best used as a ladder/staircase to reach your goal: steal the mic away from the singer.
40) When people ask you if you like a band always say "I only like the old stuff" or "I haven't really gotten into the new stuff".
41) Buy all of that bands merch.
42) Wear your new merch at the next hardcore show.
43) Repeat steps 41 and 42
44) If you have to wear glasses make sure they are thick, black framed ones.
45) Don't tell anybody but make sure you try on your new vintage clothes and stud belt before heading out to see Poison the well.
46) Never admit you don't like Hatebreed and go see them live 12 times a year.
47) Complain that they are playing with slayer but don't admit you actually like Slayer.
48) Complain at all costs.
49) Tag team hardcore dancing is cool
50) Real hardcore kids are really struggling photographers.
51) You don't go to hardcore concerts, you go to hardcore shows. BIG difference.
52) Name your hardcore dance moves things like "The mother fuck" or "kick that guys ass move" or better yet....stay home and cry.
53) Protect your body from swinging limbs by sacrificing your two arms.
54) Scream about love.
55) All age venues are important so you are not tempted to drink.
56) Claim you know a guy who knows a guy whose best friend was standing next to the guy who got his ass kicked during Converge. Bash the hardcore scene and then go see The Get Up Kids.
57) Anytime somebody mentions a band always say you know somebody in the band.
58) Wear your pins with honour! Shai Halud, American Nightmare, Minor Threat and the purple heart of valour.
59) Velcro shoes are cool.
60) Don't admit that you have a crush on the singer from Walls of Jericho. If somebody asks, say you respect her as a musician only.
61) Your band name should contain one of the following words: Blood, Murder, Kill, Victim and butterfly.
62) Print your band name as if it was on a bad printing press. Actual graphics are for posers.
63) Sleep on a portrait painted prettier then everyone.
64) 100 bands from around the world to play in your city. All of them are the world's best hardcore bands. Every label represented, every hardcore genre present. The venue is the best all- ages venue in the world. Tickets are $1.00. It is your job to go around saying the festival should be free.
65) Record producers must make sure to pump the mid because mid is tough.
66) Re-issue your demos after every album.
67) When the band starts playing everybody join hands and make a big circle so we can watch the big kids play.
68) Crying on stage makes you a professional.
69) Complain some more.
70) Album covers must be made at home on Photoshop by your good friend.
71) If you are from New York NEVER smile in a promo pic. In fact always try to cross your arms and look into the camera as if you are going to beat up whom ever is looking.
72) If you are from New Jersey NEVER smile in a promo pic either. In fact try to look like you just lost your girl friend to the hardcore band from New York.
73) Never admit that Emo is Country music lyrics mixed with pop rock riffs and marketed by 17 year olds trying to make their friend be the next Dashboard Confessional.
74) American Idol is your worst enemy. (But you voted for Ruben)
75) You can get away with glitter on your face as long as your stretched ear plugs are clear.
76) Fuck beer, Got breast milk?
77) Bandanas are cool.
78) Bandanas with big X on them are cooler.
79) Bandanas with big X on them were cool last week you poser.
80) Your best friend is a guy named XattackX from Jersey who you chat with on MSN everyday. He is coming to see you one day. Really.
81) Chunky breakdowns in your songs are original and you should continue to do them despite every other band doing them which is clearly a rip off of your band.
82) Judge other bands and always compare them to the socio-cultural effects of the band Integrity.
83) Look up Socio-cultural in the dictionary and then get offended.
84) Green Day is the real reason you are still alive.
85) Describe your group of friends as "the scene" and then watch bootlegs of last weeks.
86) Obey the laws of the hardcore scene or forever be banished from the circle.
87) When somebody asks you what is hardcore respond with "I am hardcore" then punch somebody in the face for looking at you wrong.
88) Keep punching
89) Kick a little too
90) Punch
91) Add a threat about their mother for good measure. 92) Pretend you won the fight then pickup your dismembered left arm.
93) You are wearing the same thing as the 40-year old gas pump attendant but for some strange mystical reason you are cooler than he is.
94) Tell everybody that Trustkill Records are too trendy.
95) Did you stop acting tough? I saw you hug that teddy bear.
96) Pierce you tits and tattoo your body.
97) Straight bangs means straight-edge
98) Being vegan means you can't swallow sperm.
99) When in doubt Mock everything
100) Take everything personally.
101) Assume this list is about you!

Holiday magic and a cake surprise

Ah good! I haven't posted lately because blogspot.com wanted me to sign up for some google account and then switch all my stuff over to there. Needless to say I was too lazy but I have an abundance of time to kill today so I'm back! Who missed me? Yeah, whatever. I'm happy that nothing looks different about blogspot despite their google trickery because I'm a creature of habit and once I learn how to use a website I don't want any changing abouts going on.

Well, here is the update everyone has been anxiously awaiting. The holy day of my birth has come and passed for yet another year. Feb 10th should be a national holiday for behold a great blogger has been born. This day is not only used to mark another year of my life but also to serve as a remind to my parents that they missed the abortion train long, long ago. I celebrated by drinking heavily and until I vomitted. I felt there was no other way to better mark the occasion. I'd like to thank Matt for baking me a pink cake with pink icing. It not only added more love to my hips but also more love in my heart.

Valentines day was yesterday and like majority of single people, I used this opportunity to ridicule my friends in relationships and to leave myspace messages of hatred. I always hear people giving the 'its just a made up holiday' speech but aren't all holidays made up? Why is it that valentines day is the most protested 'made up' holiday? The other is "its just a dumb excuse to get presents, if you love someone what does it matter", also false because everyone likes presents. I notice these statements never come from coupled up douche bags, it always comes from bitter unattractive singles who buy themselves chocolate and watch seinfeld instead. I was almost one of these people until i received a dinner invitation. I accepted because crying alone into a bowl of ramen soup wasn't the image I wanted to project to my roommate who just got a dozen roses and a teddy bear. We went to La Tuscana and it was quite tasty. As we were leaving some old creepy guy said we all looked too nice to leave without taking a photo. I thought maybe he wanted to steal some cameras or just masturbate to us later, but he turned out to be an okay guy. Here's the 'everyone act like you don't hate each other and valentines day' shot...



We're all at the height of attractive. I'm holding my left overs which were quite enjoyable today. Who says nothing good comes from holidays?!

Since I should use this blog as a time reference for myself, Anna nicole died last week. She was a train wreck of immeasureable proportions but I liked her still the same. May she rest in peace and may someone get her a pill shaped coffin, I think she'd really like that.

Until next time, try not to kill yourself.