My imaginary political restaurant

I came up with some mimedic texts and this was my best one at least as far as I'm concerned. It's offensive and political, perfect.



Today’s Specials
Complimentary dessert served with all entrees!

Clinton Fried Steak: Well done, served with special sauce that may stain dresses

Bush Burger: wholesome burger made of SPAM and not real beef! Served with extra oily fries

Hilary Hamburger: Made of all beef and served only well done. Fries and Clinton Steak sauces are optional.

Cheney chonga: Mildly flavored beef wrapped in a hard shell. It’s always a taco lover’s favorite!

Hitler Hoagie: Contains yellow cheese and ham on a white roll. May cause gas and indigestion

Condaleeza Fried Rice: First rice dish to be added to our menu, excellent alone or paired with other entrees

Guliani Pannini: Warm bread, surrounding hot Italian meat. Soon to be voted our best dish!


Today’s dessert is:
Castro Cake- vanilla cake topped with our finest illegally imported coconut cream icing.

Fat rant

A Fat Rant.

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Born leader

This is going to double as the 'happy photo of the week' because this photo captured all I would grow up to be- badly dressed, self appointed leader who laughs hard at my own jokes. It's a beautiful thing and I couldn't be more proud.

Types and attraction; a painfully sordid affair

It's pretty amusing to me that right after the artsy type, I attract the unstable. I have to say that unstable is paired with all 'types' when it comes to my dating life! Why do the weird-o's always want to date me? Perhaps we attract what we are.

What type of person do you attract? Your Result: You attract artsy people! Those free spirited artists with great imaginations find you interesting. They are usually interesting themselves, so its not a bad thing, but they CAN be a bit wifty and choose odd goals. If you like life to always be a bit 'different' from the norm, but not too extreme in any one direction, these are the people for you. If you seek logical decision making skills and good money management, you may want to change something in the way you appear. Artsy people are fun for adventure and exploring, so, have fun! (smoking weed helps too)
You attract unstable people!
You attract geeks!
You attract Yuppies!
You attract models!
You attract rednecks!
What type of person do you attract? Quizzes for MySpace

Happy Photo of the week

I spend a lot of time on the internet and during that time I come across many silly photos but it is a very rare moment when the photo can alter my day for the better. That's right, a photo so amazing I forget the fact that I am an unemployed, boyfriendless loser who lives at home and has no real life friends. It usually only happens about once a week, therefore I have decided to share that joy with you through a simple act of altruism now known as the 'Happy photo of the week'.

Reminder...

Don't worry, more posts are on the way.

My personality on a widget

I thought this was kind of fun. They show you a series of pictures and you pick which one you like from each group and then they compile some sort of personality report. Obviously to be taken with a grain of salt but it does occupy boredom!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

450 lb woman creates miracle

Hello again. I know that for most of my readers my cynical edge is what keeps them coming back but for my new readers, you may find that I am abrasive and judgemental, some may even say mean spirited. That's because making fun of others makes me feel better about myself. With that out of the way, lets people bash!


I was awake fairly early and found that none of my internet boyfriends were online yet so I decided to browse through the latest stories from CNN. I came across the story of a 450lb woman who was too fat to realize she was pregnant until a few days before the baby was due. Here's the link to the video, you have to sit through a lame commercial before the video plays and then click back to finish reading the crap I wrote about it:

http://www.cnn.com/video/player/player.html?url=/video/offbeat/2007/03/03/sotvo.ca.surprise.pregnancy.kabc


Wow, lets take a moment to re-group, there's just so much to make fun of! First of all, I have known many'a fattys in my day and none too fat to realize they are knocked up, but before I address that issue I'd like to take a moment to ask what the fuck was that 'friend' all about? Holy mangina! Whether it was the most feminine man or a butch woman is disputable, what is not is the fact that the cut off sleeved t-shirt look with semi-back fat showing is out. So very painfully out...

Now, I'd like to address the question thats weighing on everyones mind- who put their penis in her vagina? Instead of caring about this baby, shouldn't police be looking for the victims body?

Strap your boards on fellas, its sexy party time!

The baby didn't appear to be half black and usually those are the only guys willing to bang 450lb women. (All angry racial equality emails should be made out to- IdontCare.com)

Not only will that kid be raised by a woman who doesn't know when a living thing is in her body, but also by a woman seemingly without dental care. So, back to how someone wouldn't know they were pregnant. If that baby was kicking, did she not feel it or did she assume her dorrito cravings were just getting more persistent? This story just seems ridiculous to me. Chances are she didn't want to pay for medical assistance, although I'm pretty sure planned parenthood will help a sister out.

The only good to come out of this story is the hope that someday some guy out there will want to sleep with me as well. *sigh*

All feedback on any blog post can be sent to - www.myspace.com/barbiet02

Well, I'm off to Erica's birthday/Leprechaunapalooza. Yes, I know some of you are shocked but I was invited to a party. Hope everyone has a lovely friday.

National I.H.S.S day

The original Sarah Silverman post is farther down on the page but I wanted to blog again about this topic. I had posted a bulletin on myspace expressing my feelings towards Sarah and the show and I was genuinely surprised by the amount of feedback I received of people agreeing with me that she sucks at life. In fact, I just got 3 more emails saying they hate her. I hope that someday people all across the world will celebrate 'National I hate Sarah Silverman' Day. People need to know, they aren't alone in their hatred...someone else out there is just like them; sitting at home in their pajamas, unshowered and unemployed searching for something decent on television yet only finding shit like this. Well, I am here to take a stand!! Who's with me!?!?! *crowd cheering*

The Receptionist

In my 'down time' otherwise known as 'all my time', I found this guy who calls himself The Receptionist. He claims to be a receptionist who creates these videos to occupy himself while at work. He has posted a set of guidelines he uses for each video.

"Here are the rules/guidelines I have set up for myself:

1. All shorts must be shot from my built in iSight camera on my MacBook.

2. I may only use what I have around me. I may not bring in outside props.

3. All shorts must come in under five minutes.

4. Shorts must be shot at my desk, during business hours. No after-hour shooting or editing."

In short, this guy is either lying or has THE greatest job ever.

If you want to see more of his videos they are posted at www.myspace.com/thereceptionist

Zooey of the month

As everyone knows, Zooey Deschanel is my straight crush. That term is coined from Seinfeld when he develped a crush on the baseball player. I've decided to start the Zooey Deschanel pic of the month... and here is March!

Sarah Silverman Sucks, Seriously! 10x fast

Okay, I have cooked up a lot of interesting topics to delight you with lately but I feel that this particular matter takes presidence over the others.

That's right, Sarah Silverman and the assholes who decided to give her a tv show.

I've had the misfortune of catching her show several times on comedy central while clicking through and I have to say that for a station that prides itself on comedy, they have successfully created an abomination on everything they stand for. She is so unfunny and it pains me to know shes getting paid for it. I looked up clips from youtube to demonstrate how awful it is but I found a song she did earlier called, "I could write a show." In response- Yes Sarah, yes you can write a show...but no, not a good one.

I literally laughed out loud "LOL" when she sang "if I had my own show everyone would think it bites." That is blatent foreshadowing that comedy central chose to ignore and should be shamed with. I think her break down of what the star of the show 'should be' really got lost in translation, not to mention shes completely fucking delusional. I just wanted to share my hatred with the public.

I will go absolutely insane if I see one or any of the following:

A- her show on dvd when Family Ties, a show that ruled, is still NOT on dvd yet (those Best Buy employees will feel my wrath)

B- a season 2 of this shit

C- Sarah Silverman fans, because for this show to have made it this far means she has a fan base somewhere and those people need to be publically beaten

I hereby do declare March 2nd 'I hate Sarah Silverman' day. I'd hope as my loyal reader you'd join me in this quest to put an end to unfunny people on comedy central but more importantly- an end to Sarah Silverman

I will try to post at least once a day this month, it's my goal.