Happy Halloween

It's Halloween and I've basically spent tonight writing a research paper that's due on thursday. I like to wait until the last possible minute because then I have more to complain about and I'm less likely to procrastinate any further. I just realized that I have FearNet on demand which means I will be more demented than usual at the end of the week because I plan to watch everything they have to offer. In other news November 6th I will be competing in the Catch a Rising star College Comedy contest...yes, say that three times fast. If I beat out the schmucks here at Rowan then I will get to compete in AC which will be video taped! So, let's hope my comedy career gets going finally. Hope everyone had a nice Halloween, feel free to give me any left over candy...

I found this on the anti douche bag myspace site, I thought it's ridiculousness should be passed on and if you have time, check out the page it's pretty funny www.myspace.com/njdouche I noticed a few of my friends went as guidos for halloween, let me know how the tubes of orange face cream went haha.

Dating tutorial

This blog has been slacking lately. I started to get a real life and noticed my 'online life' has been slipping. Don't worry, I won't let that happen! I've decided to create a picture tutorial on how to obtain a hot date.


First, consult with your split personalities on who will go on the date

Next, call him and tell him you're available this Friday night

If he says he wants to take you out, find something attractive to wear

If you want him to kiss you, make sure you shave your beard If he asks you to a sports game, be sure you have plenty of team spirit

If you feel nervous while waiting for him to arrive, have a drink

If you want a second date, be sure to give him plenty of pity laughs

At the end of the date make it clear that he can kiss you

Once back inside, thank your other personality for not embarrassing you on the date

Then you can wait for his call for a 2nd date!

And please always remember, just because most guys you date end up looking like this at the end, it's not your fault. They are born gay.

Red Head

I got bored and had some fun with adobe.

I hate partners

Today was highly frustrating! I rushed to finish a project that my partner insisted was due tonight and guess what, it wasn't and class was cancelled!!! If this were a cop film, this would be the part where I storm into the precinct and demand a new partner. I'd rather work with a highly trained monkey because at least the monkey wouldn't be able to call me and tell me she doesn't know how to make something underlined in microsoft word. ARE YOU KIDDING?! How do people make it to senior year of college without knowing how to underline something in word? No, seriously- how? I'll tell you how! They rely on their partners to do it for them, she tried! Oh yes she tried, "I'm not good at writing, you sound like a great writer maybe you could just send it to me and when you're done and I'll add some points"...No, how about you stop being a lazy useless tool and do your own work. In the words of my Uncle Pat, what color am I?!

On a positive note, Gina and I are going to the liquor store to buy some ingredients to make oat meal cookie shots and tomorrow night we're having a formal dinner. Should be romantic. At this point I'll take what I can get...
sigh.

Renaissance faire shots

This was an amazing weekend and I shall now share that with you through a photo montage. I went to the renaissance faire (yes, with an e!!) and spent my day drinking and making fun of the freaks with my parents. If that's not bonding, I don't know what is!!! Let the good times roll....

This is what I looked like for most of the day...

As you can see from the empty cups on the table,

this was a few rounds in, feeling good!
aaaand i'm STILL drinking haha

now i'm drunk enough to mingle with the locals....

I'm used to this sort of stimulating dinner conversation

This guy totally wanted me, look at him holding his sword...

This came out so over exposed for some reason, but here i am with my boyfriend

I really liked this mirror

The Lush's formerly known as mom and dad...

and it's scary how much my dad looks like weird Al

I had to show them how to rock a hat

These ladies didn't need any hat education

My mom stops to smell the fake roses, thanks alcohol!

Okay, I know many of my 'fans' think I'm some kind of gorgeous model, but the truth is- I AM! Okay, okay, i'm not. I have a very hideous side and that side comes out when I'm eating giant slabs of meat. Here is the horror- Happy early Halloween!

These people were so weird! The guy's sign reads "Pet Human" and something else about being owned by the two most hideous people on earth

When I see large pumpkins, I feel the compulsive need to hug them

There are a lot more pictures but it takes forever to get them on here so I'll finish tomorrow.

Youtube might replace my myspace addiction

I have to be up in 6 hours to leave for maryland but I can't stop watching youtube videos!! This one was pretty hilarious, particularly because I'm addicted to myspace as are all of my friends. If these guys are the kings of myspace, I am definitely the Queen!!





www.myspace.com/barbiet02

chiggity check it

Feeling lonely? Feeling like you need a death cab?

I noticed most of my friends have been getting pretty emo when it comes to relationships lately. Perhaps it's because winter is approaching and who likes to be alone on christmas and valentines day? Or in the cold months in general! I love this song and I figured I'd post the words because they really are pretty and it's true- even you will be loved ;)

Someday You Will Be Loved By Death Cab For Cutie

"I once knew a girl

In the years of my youth

With eyes like the summer

All beauty and truth.

In the morning I fled

Left a note and it read

Someday you will be loved.

I cannot pretend that I felt any regret

Cause each broken heart will eventually mend

As the blood runs red down the needle and thread

Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved, you'll be loved

Like you never have known

The memories of me

Will seem more like bad dreams

Just a series of blurs

Like I never occurred

Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep

And everytime tears roll down your cheeks

But I know your heart belongs

to someone you've yet to meet

Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved, you'll be loved

Like you never have known

The memories of me

Will seem more like bad dreams

Just a series of blurs

Like I never occurred

Someday you will be loved

50 things about me.

50 Odd things about me

1. How tall are you barefoot? 5'10"

2. Have you ever smoked pot? you mean, 'herbal suppliments'- yes I have.

3. Do you own a gun? Um, no

4. Who's your best friend? Karen, Heather and Casie

5. Do you get nervous before "meeting the parents"? Not at all, parents love me because I come across as so innocent and polite... if they only knew! *evil laugh*

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I think they're awesome but I try not to think about what's in them...

7. What's your favorite Christmas song? Dean martin- let it snow

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Skim milk

9. Can you do push ups? Not at all, I really don't think I can even do one.

10. Is your bathroom clean? Eh, it's mildly to moderately filthy..

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? I don't have any nice jewelry

12. Is your hair color natural? Yes, although I have some highlights- blonde however is my natural color

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? A low cut shirt and pink lip gloss, that and vodka.

14. Do you own a knife? Yes

15. Do you have A.D.D.? I once thought i had this but then, Hey wanna play dodge ball?? HAH, no i do not have it.

16. Middle Name? Janine

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? I don't want to go to class, I want to own more xmas movies and I really need to shower.

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought: 1. Lunch 2. Dinner 3. Booze

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? diet coke like its going out of style

20. What time did you wake up today? 3pm

22. Current worry? Going to class

23. Current hate? Going to class haha

24. Favorite place to be? Home, disney world or barnes &noble

25. Least favorite place to be? SCHOOL and prison!!!!!!!!

26. Where would you like to go? I'd like to go on a cruise (which I am in May) or a historical trip, I love being anywhere with my family. We have a lot of dysfunctional moments on vacation but it's always a good time :)

27. Do you own slippers? no

28. What shirt are you wearing? pink tank top

t29. Do you burn or tan? BURN! I am so pale!

30. Favorite color(s)? Pink, Black and purple

31. Would you be a pirate? I am currently of the pirate persuasion- i steal music and have no shame about it!

32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink? last night

33. What songs do you sing in the shower? Afternoon delight

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? A ghost or a growling monster, turns out the growling monster was me hearing myself snore when I was half asleep.

35. What's in your pockets right now? I don't have pockets.

36. Last thing that made you laugh? Conan cracked me up last night!

37. Best bed sheets you had as a child? I really don't remember

38. Worst injury you've ever had? Stepped on glass and needed 14 stitches

39. Favorite Tv Show? golden girls!!

40. How many TVs do you have in your house? 4

41. Who is your loudest friend? Gina

42. Who is your most silent friend? Heather

43. Does someone have a crush on you? Yes, and he isn't the person I wish had a crush on me!

44. Do you wish on shooting stars? When I see one, I probably will.

45. What is your favorite book? Harry potter!!!!!

46. What is your favorite candy? Chocolate

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding? Broken Road by Rascall flatts...it doesn't seem like the typical wedding song but it seems fitting for the way my love life has been. "Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars, pointing me on my way into your loving arms, this much i know is true- that god blessed the broken road that lead me straight to you" Although I dont believe in God so I doubt I'll even be having the traditional wedding.

48. Do you have casual sex? In the past, I have engaged in the casual copulation. I like to only sleep with someone I really like now- and I really like someone :)

49. What were you doing at 12 AM this morning? I was cleaning my room FINALLY

50. What was the First thing you thought of when you woke up? Fuck, I wish i could sleep forever and then I thought Fuck, I need to mail my cable and electric bill out. Most of my thoughts start out with a four letter word.

Flavor of Love

I'm not big on television especially new tv shows, but I became addicted to 'Flavor of Love' on Vh1. If you're unfamiliar with the show, you're probably a terrorist and probably won't understand any of this particular post- move on down! For those who do, I can't believe New York A.) Didn't win and B.) Is getting her own show next season!

I can't imagine this show being real though, as entertaining as it is. Would any beautiful, non-psychotic girl really want to make out with this?! I mean, when I think of my 'dream man', this face doesn't often come to mind. Whenever they show close ups of his giant lips and big gold teeth kissing one of the girls, I want to vomit. As disgusted as I am, I still find myself unable to turn away. I have a similar reaction at the chinese buffet down the street.

New York, who's real name is Tiffany, will have her own show similar to Flav's where men compete to date her. I can't imagine any rational attractive men wanting to be with her. I thought she was the ideal match for Flav, as long as they signed an agreement to never mate. Flavor flav did a great job of coining the phrase, "You're time is up", presenting girls who he wants to keep with clocks and girls he wants off with no time! The next time I find myself in the position of needing to break up with someone, I will be using this line. "Someone's goin' home folks, an' it ain't me, it ain't me- your time is up!" I imagine he will cry and storm out like the girls on the show do.

Now that's good Tv!

celebrity look alike!

I found this cool site where you upload a picture of yourself and then it matches based on facial symmetry which celebrities you most resemble. I tried it with a few different pictures to see the possible outcomes. If you want to try for yourself the site is www.myheritage.com

Animals my sister hates

I had a recent conversation with my sister about butterflies where she expressed to me that they repulse her. How could anyone find butterflies repulsive? This inspired an idea! I've decided to do a tribute to the creatures my sister can't stand because much like Mr T's new sitcom, they're misunderstood. Shall we get on with it then?! (By the way, I've recently started talking like a British sophisticate, so upon examining this entry, please feel free to internally monlogue this with a British accent)

Ah yes, the butterfly! It's wings are brightly colored to let predators know 'I'm not very tasty', but more imporantly they are colored to make people happy. My sister finds them to be gross because, although beautiful, they are of the bug persuasion. This is like saying you don't want to eat at a fast food place because it's of the fattening persuasion! Don't lump horridness with such beauty. Let's get a close up of the butterfly body simply for 'grossing Karen out' purposes.

Their little legs and buggish head aren't overly appealing, even I will admitt that but the wings make up for it's unattractive body, much like my hair does for mine.

The next creature on our list of things my sister hates is the whale. If shown a picture of a whale she will not only cringe but often scream and cover her eyes in horror, similiar to the way I react upon viewing my roommate in the morning.

"Morn'n Barb, want to play some touch football before class?"

I can somewhat understand her fear of a whale. They can be quite scary if you are on a boat and it's giant body is swimming around you (I have left this wide open for a fat pool joke), however, the chances of a whale eating you are slim to none. That's because their throat hole is only large enough to allow little things in such as the tons of plankton they eat each day. The blue whale is her most feared, they can be up to 3 school buses long and believe it or not bible thumpers- they don't eat humans! Although, maybe they could... *evil laugh*

Upon my whale investigation, I found this cool chart. It feels kind of like my families geneology chart...

I find it highly amusing that there is a whale titled the sperm whale who has a slightly larger friend called the humpback.

Finally, we come to the last of Karen's most hated animals- birds.

Birds sounds like an odd thing to fear. They fly away if you approach them and they usually leave you alone, right? Wrong. Where ever we go, birds seem to gravitate towards her head and poop. Yes, that's correct, she is a bird toilet. Here is an example of what it was like to grow up with a bird toilet. Poor kid, the bird isn't just giving him a drive-by-pooping, but actually settling down to ruin his childhood. Birds can't help pooping and I must admit that if I ever became a bird, I too would poop on some heads.

That concludes my tribute to the animals my sister hates. I will be posting more soon. Stay tuned fans.

Goth Barb

I was really bored today and came into possession of a black wig. So, here is the hideous proof that Blonde Barb will always be here to stay.

Fat Chicks Rule.

I've always heard people say, "I wish junk food was good for you" or "Why do the foods that taste the best make you the fattest?" They have probably already come up with this theory but as I was shoveling down some Mcdonalds and had those exact thoughts, I realized it's because they contain the most calories and therefore our bodies want them. That way when we're fat and there's some kind of sudden food shortage, I can be like 'man, im so glad I had that cheese burger and mcchicken sandwich'. Yes, this is some great rationalizing.
I've decided today that relationships are over rated and single is the way to be. Relationships complicate life, do I really need a boyfriend? No. Why don't I? Because I have delicious cheese burgers to consume and booze to drink. I don't need anyone telling me I shouldn't 'let myself go' because as previously stated- when the famine hits I will be so ready.

Movies

I am currently suffering major senior-itis and it's raining. All I want to do is have a nice meal containing some sort of meat and potatos and watch a classic horror film. Yet instead I am eating a frozen burrito and smelling the burnt dog food the Indians are cooking downstairs.
Speaking of Horror films, have you ever seen a horror-porn? I once did and let me tell you- it's horrifyingly gay. It's kind of like the movie Hostel, which came out a few months ago. That movie was 70% sex, 30% torturous killing and 100% bad acting. The whole time I watched it I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be turned on or scared. The main feeling I got is summed up best with this phrase, "This world is a fucking shithole". I know, I know- I took a poetry class.
I saw there are several new movies out that look pretty good. Those are; man of the state, texas chainsaw massacre, employee of the month and jackass 2. I also saw a preview for the santa claus 3 due sometime in November- I also must see that. Rumor had it that there would be a 3d version of Nightmare before xmas released in late October, if this rumor is false I will punch babies. So for your childs sake, you better pray it's coming out.

I have an exam tomorrow, its time to study. I leave you with this thought:

Another day in paradise

Lately I've been consuming more alcohol than a normal drunk should. I was thinking about holding off on it until Halloween. I'm not sure if this is a possible feat but I'm going to give it a try after I finish this last drink. Bacardi and Diet coke always make for a great end-of-the-day treat.
In lighter news, I have a pen pal who is teaching me spanish. I found that translator.com helps me look bilingual. If my future job has internet connection, (which is a must when finding a new job) I might put down that I speak fluent spanish. That usually lands you a job since majority of America no longer speaks English. Don't worry, I won't put my sheet on and continue this topic.
In other news, I haven't done laundry here in 2 weeks. I'm starting to do the 'sniff test' and wearing whatever smells the least like puke and stale chips. I often wonder why I'm single....

I love October

October is my favorite month out of the entire year and that's because there are so many awesome things to do! Here's my up coming calendar of events in case you were wondering the easiest possible way to stalk me.
On the 21st I will be one of the hundreds of medieval loving, giant turkey leg eating, beer consuming, magic trick loving freaks who attends the Maryland Renaissance festival. Sure it sounds horrifying but it's a great time! There are musicians and dancers, fire and sword swallowers, pottery, sandcastle building (random, I know), tarot card readers, costumes, marionettes and did i mention giant turkey legs??? I really liked the asian on the end.

The other reason I've always liked the "ren-fair" as us in-the-know like to call it, is that it's held outdoors in the woods. The leaves are gorgeous and it's nice and cool outside. Autumn is the ideal meat eating season.
I also always look forward to the awesome halloween events. Pumpkin pie snarfing should be an event of its own but what is almost more fun than consuming it's sweet goodness is picking out a pumpkin at the farm! Casola Farms in Holmdel, NJ is where I will be spending a rousing saturday night. They have a haunted hayride every year that believe it or not, isn't gay. They offer excellent pumpkins in the day and a farm full of horrors at night- my kind of place! Luckily they have a tractor pulling the hayride because if it was done by horses they might not let me on. Animal abuse is no way to celebrate death-day.
This year I have decided to attempt to carve a Strong Bad pumpkin. If my carpel tunnel doesn't act up, it should look a little something like this. Maybe instead of 'trick or treat', I will make the kids say "internet or death". I think their parents will want to check the candy twice. This post gets progressively less intelligent, bare with me.
October 30th, I am preparing myself for the 'Terror behind the walls' at the Estern State Penitentiary. It will bring back the memories I had of spending the night in the slammer last halloween only muuuuch worse. Those close to me know the horrors I'm reliving with that memory, but as they say-"With shackles on my feet, you don't own me!" I faught the law and the law won, etc. Terror behind the walls would be something I'd name a porn if anyone would ever be willing to sleep with me. Sigh.

Well, stay posted. I will be putting up more events soon and some possible costume ideas. I noticed most girls use halloween as an excuse to dress like slutty animals. I was thinking I could go as some kind of hunting knife to protest their mockery of my favorite day of death. Or possible a giant human box of wine, for my classier side.